Remembering

I sit here broken, empty and alone.

You left me, you were the only one who seemed to care.

I didn’t get to say good-bye.

I watch as more people I love fade away, yet I can’t do anything.

He kills himself slowly and doesn’t notice it.

It tears me apart to see it, yet no one notices,

I have seen how I fake the same face you did last time I saw you.

Did you have to go?

Couldn’t you have taken me with you?

You left your feelings on me.

I feel lonley and empty, as if I don’t belong anywhere.

All the people who I ever loved I disappoint.

Did I disappoint you too?

I look up and wonder if there is someone up there.

Why didn’t you say bye?

I don’t remember much of you it makes me sad.

I loved, but now I hide it, I’ve fallen numb.

Is that how you felt?

I’m scared, yet I’m pretty sure you don’t care.

You left us with no caring.

Your probally not even looking down on me I doubt anyone is.

I don’t see much of my past anymore, it’s as if it has been erased.

Why you were so young?

I just feel so alone now.

I try to be strong, but I’m crumbling on the inside.

Are you my angel with broken wings?

Do you watch as I fade away?

Daddy

She sees the glass half-empty.
He sees the glass half-full.
Daddy downs his glass and still wants more.
He drinks to be silly, he drinks to have fun.
“Don’t worry kids it’s only one.”
One turns into ten, next thing they know he has his keys, headed for the door.
Apperently he ran out between twenty and twenty-four.
Now he’s back eyes redder than before.
Theres already a fight and he hasn’t even reached the door.
Smile plastered on their faces, trying not to break.
For they know everything they say or do, to him will be a mistake.
They quietly retreat to their rooms, to make a promise to themselves, to never be like him.
They wait until he falls asleep, lit cigrette in hand, apperently trying to start a fire again.
Thats the last time they will see him drunk, at least for the night.
When they sleep they dream of what it would be like if he never started.
Picture perfect family, house upon a hill.
Then they wake up and relize how much they wish that dream was real.
Now he drinks to forget his problems.
She just wants to die.
Daddy still is drinking.
So much for my perfect life.

You say your so holy, there to teach me.

But how can you teach what you don’t see.

I smile as i’m falling did you even know I was faking.

I no longer know what i believe and I have you to thank.

I don’t talk about it, not to you, you will just roll your eyes and judge.

Oh, I bet you thought I didn’t notice.

You say your ready to see the real me.

You are not ready for anything.

You say you want to help me, why not try to help yourself first.

I don’t need your help, i’d rather fall and try to help myself.

Because i’d rather fall on my own, then let you drag me down.

I may be struggling and apathetic.

But you can’t help the broken if they don’t want to be fixed.

Untitled

My heart is sore, I can not feel the beat anymore.

The happy facade wearing off, but people are still fooled.

Hating myself more than anyone else ever could.

It has become my talent to blend into the shadows, for that is what I have become.

Do I believe what they believe?

Where do I belong?

Not here, not with people.

Needing to stop trying to be noticed, and finally just fading away.

Where the memory of me will disappear.

Where they won’t even remember my name.

It is time for me to be erased from your memory.

I bet their sorry they met me.

I don’t belong here. Where do I belong?

Art of falling and waging war.

Being confused feeling numb, not wanting to go on.

Slowly the knives are seducing me, that bottle of pills looking like my only hope.

Unseen forces waging war, which side are you on?

This side telling me I’m worth something, and I have friends.

The other side telling me” Your worthless, your useless, you have no friends, even if you did they are using you.”

The good side is slowly dieing out, their voices aren’t that loud they seem so far away.

The bad side’s voices are louder their screaming and growling, “The world won’t miss you.”

Now not caring reaching for the blade.

I won’t fight anymore, sick of being invisible and ignored.

Wanting to give up, not getting anymore.

Is this what you want from me, Lord?

Digging the hole deeper, deeper than before,

so deep now I can barely see the floor.

Screaming for help but there isn’t anyone listening or even caring.

Slowly the dirt is being kicked back on top of me, burying me alive.

Walls constructed around my heart not letting anyone in they will judge.

Sick of faking the person they see.

Do they even know the real me?

Closing my heart off to everyone including me, cause if they don’t get in noone gets hurt.

Why would anyone care? They never have before.

Born into the world, being told she was mistake.

Why would anyone think differently?

Wanting to show someone the real me, but afraid they won’t accept me or even care.

Wanting a friend to make me show the real me, or at least someone who will understand.

I wanting someone to help me walk, but since there is noone I keep falling.

Sick of falling and tripping not wanting to get up anymore.

Pushing people away so they won’t get close, hoping they will just leave me alone.

But one doesn’t, he keeps pushing through the walls.

Not giving up, but I put up more, I don’t want to disappoint him.

Like I do everyone else.

Will this war ever stop?

I take no credit

I take no credit for writing these and I don’t know who did but these are just great things.

I wish I had someone special

right here by my side.

A true and wonderful friend

in my world so empty and wide.

 Someone caring that

I can count on

in miseries and my troubles.

Someone I can rely and depend on.

I wish I had a true friend

who is always here with me.

Right until my last breath

till the end for all eternity.

Once again I didn’t write these and if I know who did I would give them my thanks.  So to whoever wrote these they are great.

Locked inside her heart

a pain she’ll refuse to tell.

Incomplete without him

just an empty shell.

Still he walks right past her

head held high with pride.

To end her pain she’ll make a choice

to join the dark side.

Great wall of China

Dressed in all black, red umberlla, choking tears back. “Crying is a weakness,” she says, and believes.

Walking around feeling hopeless, with worthless written on her arm and craved into her brain.

Not knowing if anyone notices her, or even cares. Trying not to show emotion because it is a weakness and she already knows she is weak.

Her father forgets her, she feels like a slave to her family, and her own hate for herself.

Hoping one day to feel something other than numb. Knowing theres a god just confused on why he would care for her.

“Just die,” the voice says. “No one will miss you,” it growls.

Down on her knees she screams “Shut up, leave me alone,” it doesn’t help it is still talking,”You’re ugly,” it tells her. “Why would he love you.”

Now broken and confused wanting someone to talk to, but not trusting anyone enough, to confide in.

Now broken, lost, and confused still looking for help. Maybe she doesn’t cut, doesn’t mean shes not hurt. Why cut, a little cut, won’t end her pain?

She walks alone, though she feels someone beside her, but she doesn’t look, who would care enough to see thourgh the fake smile and the happy facade.

So she ignores it still walking now hearing the voice filling her head with lies again.

 “You’re ugly, you’re fat, if he sees you he’ll run, it’s a stupid relationship, he could be lieing like eveyoun else does.”

Finally she breaks down crying, “Why, I am so weak? Lord, take my life” she screams “ I don’t want to feel this pain anymore.”

Once more she feels that presence still not looking, knowing they will laugh, because she is weak, ugly, and stupid.

Now believeing what the voice is telling her,  she gets up from her knees and runs into the shadows where no one can see her, and she can hide, because in the shadows she feels safe.

There is no one who can help her. So she keeps on building a wall around her heart, so no one can get in and hurt her, and she can’t hurt anyone.

She love, but doesn’t show it, afraid of hurt so without knowing it she is contributing to her own numbness.

Inside of her there is a scared little girl looking for light, there is a warmth she can feel, but can’t get to. She is lost in the cold not knowing the way looking or someone to save her.

Wondering if she will ever be free from the prison she has built around her heart. Like the Great Wall of China waiting for someone to tear it down.